Friday, November 29, 2013

Do you always fight with your partner?

Many couples in society are quarreling and arguing with each others, even when they love each other very much. if those arguments go deeply, they may not talk to each others for days. Perhaps you may try to resolve the case, but it may be more and more complicated at the end. Have you ever thought about this? Why this is happening in many?

If you take a closer look about this issue, you may see series of serious issues that you have not solved yet. This is characteristic of relationships and marriages where partners have a habit of postponing finding solutions to problems. Most of them think that by ignoring or just waiting for a later date to sort out a problem, things will sort themselves out. In that way they never find the solutions for issues. But After some time, a small misunderstanding finally matures into a serious problem.  Perhaps, it may be a very same issue which is rising time to time. If you do not take this up with your mate to a conclusive end which is agreeable to the two of you, more serious confrontations are underway.

Other thing is, both persons may not respect for each other.   If there is no respect, then you can say almost anything whether harmful and insolent. It’s a very bad situation and if you do this once, you will do it again and again. On the other hand, It could be that you are always looking for faults in your partner. If you really need to find faults of your partner, you will find many of them at the end of the day. And it will directly lead the way to endless fights.

In this world, no one is perfect, so the couples. We all have our shares of relationship troubles and marital confrontations.  But if you can communicate smoothly and wisely, lot of arguments can prevent.  Work together as a team to sort out your problems with love and trust. In fact, you can only succeed in all this if you work together as a team and avoid seeking to find faults. Spend your energy on the positives of your mate. It’s better to avoid fighting for invalid reasons like gossips, politics, friend’s matters, likes and dislikes of each others.  You need to humble yourself and avoid talking when your mate is talking. Then argument will automatically turn to a discussion.

Saturday, November 23, 2013

A love after life

It was late 1970 in Sri Lanka. His name was Michel De Silva. He had a pen pal called Lisa Barton from England. Not like these days, that era used only postal mails to contact each others. That’s why they call those long distance friends as “Pen Pals”. Michael and Lisa exchanged mails and pictures for years. But they never talked even by a Telephone. It’s because, Telephone was a High Luxury Item for Sri Lankans in that era. very limited people had Telephones.

Eventually they fall in love. Michel was from a middle class family, he hadn’t money to fly England. Lisa was a student. Neither, she didn’t earn money yet. But she promised to come to Sri Lanka one day for visit at Michael, as soon as possible, when she is able to do so.
Time passed, their love was matured day after day and they were in such a romance. They lived happily with their hopes and dreams of near future. One day Michael did post a post card that saying…

My dear Lisa,

“I’m going to hike a mountain with my friends. I Hope if you were here too, with me. With all my love”.

Your Loving Michel.

Actually it was not just a mountain hike. It is a sacred Mountain calls “Adam’s peak”. They left for the mountain hike in one fine morning. It begins to dark when they arriving the mountain site. After they had supper, started to hike. So they were hiking for hours without a rest. It was almost about to dawn, when they got their first rest. But still dark was around and was a thick mist. They thought to sit for a while. Everybody sat on somewhere they could find in the dark and Micheal went to call of nature nearby there.

He amazed what he saw there. It was Lisa; she was in nice white color lace gown.  Even he never met Lisa live before, he recognized her in a blink of an eye.

“My goodness Lisa, you are here…Gosh…I was thinking about you all the way…”

“Yes I’m...”

“Why…why didn’t you tell me that you were coming to Sri Lanka... even I posted a Card that I'm coming here…did you find that? I did it five days before I come here”.

“No I didn’t …So Michel…I met you at last… my love!!!”

“Lisa… you came alone here? Where is the rest of your people? You know? My friends are over there, come…” while speaking he moved to touch her hand….

But…. She disappeared in to the thick dark mist. He looked around…but he couldn’t find her. she vanished without any trace. He could see only dark with the mist. He couldn’t understand what he saw. So he thought, it may be an illusion, because he was thinking about her all day long. Hence he didn’t tell anything to his friends there. But he was pretty sure; she addressed him as “So Michel…I met you at last… my love!!!”

Michel arrived home after two days, His mother kept a Telegram in his hand.

Dear Michel,

“Lisa Expired due to terrible car accident. I’m so sorry”

Lisa's loving friend, Susan.

By Manu Fernando

Friday, November 22, 2013

How to fix a broken Relationship?

Just like any other things love also needs the care and attention. Many couples don’t think about this and ultimately end up unhappy relationships. The vital concern about the breaking relationship is "the love". If you really in love with, your lover you have more chances to stop this breakup. Only thing you have to do is right dedication on right places. However, sometime it’s better to breakup rather than having so many pains for trying to save it. It’s like you are trying to catch a falling glass. If that glass breaks, while you are trying, your hands may cut and you’ll hurt. So sometimes it’s better to let go. 

And if you think deeply, this breaking point is not due to one major reason. It’s a series of disappointments and resentments. At last it comes like big tide. So…it’s very difficult to stop. However it really doesn’t have to be the end of the relationship. Even the unhappiest of relationships can be fixed with a bit of understanding and love.

Most of the, time couples prefer to just end an argument with slammed doors and silent evenings, not coming to home or drunken nights rather than face the situations, or sort it out and clear the matter. We must understand that, as humans anyone can do wrong things. But name of the love we can forgive for each other. Further, never judge your partner. it takes a lot of courage and strength for your loved one to confess about something that they feel may be bad or hurtful. When you judge your partner, you make them feel worse, and you also psychologically affect them and make them shut themselves up. And once your partner feels uncomfortable sharing their dark secrets with you, they’d prefer to hide their secrets or talk to another friend rather than tell you what they really feel. And that’s never going to help your relationship. In fact, it could be one of the worst things that can happen to your relationship. And if you feel, your loved one do something wrong, just directly talk, rather than playing around or accusing. Because it’s may have a chance to prevent hot argument in near future. And let them feel how badly hurt yourself due to that case instead of shouting and quarreling. And unless an unpardonable mistake is repeated, learn to forgive and forget. Sometimes, even the best of us can make a mistake without really wanting to.

If the reason for breakup is too heavy, don’t try to fix it soon. It’s because your breakup is still fresh in both your hearts and minds and this might get in the way of your discussion.  Give a little time for that. Time is a good remedy for most of the cases. But just don’t pass the time or make a space between you and your partner. Take this time as an observation period, and when the right time comes talk with your partner. At that time both you people realized and regret about lot of things than before. So both you have good chance to discuss the matter. On the other hand, you may not be able to change your partner’s desire or an idea, but still you can change yourself to comply with them, unless it’s not major issue.  Changing oneself doesn't mean being submissive to the partner, but following a better way to be in a more satisfying relationship.

Thursday, November 14, 2013

Getting over a relationship breakup

Almost everyone, in this world may got breakup relationship with their loved one, at least for a onetime in their life time. Heartbreak is one of the most difficult things to go through. But surviving after breakup will matter for how you feel it. Sometime it may cause for ruin the entire life of that person. It depends on how you deal with it. First of all think why you breakup with him or her. That reason is the key point for helps to overcome this sadness. If that reason was a good one for both of you, it’s very easy to justify the sorrow, and you could make up your mind up to that fare reason for both of you. If that decision was taken by a single person, that will be really sad situation. So how you gonna make up your mind through this situation?

Good crying is one of the main things for sadness. Never let pain for stuck in your mind.  Hard Crying will fade lot of sad things in our mind. Think every good thing that you have done to them, and think how much you loved them and cry hard. Let yourself be sad enough. You will need to allow your mind to take it all for one last time. Once you’ve cried your heart out, if you do need some time to think about everything again, tell yourself you will spend 10 minutes thinking about it and then move on. This will allow your brain to “schedule” sad time and you will feel like you have control over the situation instead of feeling miserable all the days. And Try to watch an adventure movie or and listen a up tempo song. That will defiantly reduce your sorrow. At least, for a limited time period.

Try to get busy on your life as possible as you could. Focus your mind for other things. If you are doing a job, you have a good opportunity to do so. But if you still studying, you try, more focus on your school works. If you are unable to do so at the very beginning, you may need to move with your friends as much as possible you can. Never forget to lean on your family too. They’re the ones who love you the most. In addition to that, if you work, you make this time to start making those major career leaps toward the promotion, that you have always wanted. Or, take your breakup as a chance to do something new, like learning dancing or doing aerobics. In there you may find new people too. Sometime it will lead the way to meet a fantastic person for your entire life. It’s also, volunteering and doing community service may helps to get your mind off silly things that don’t matters.

Other worse thing to eliminate is sleepless nights. Try to watch a movie or read a book until you feel the sleepy. Sleeping will give your mind rest from all the over thinking. Never spend drunken nights after breakup; of course alcohol and drugs may keep you away from your sorrow for a while. But the same time, you may do some stupid works, like making mad calls or rubbish texting. And the following day you may regret what you did last night and you may feel sorry about you, more than yesterday.  

The most important thing to keep in mind when you’re going through this first phase is, you should only limit it to one weekend. If it is a really long relationship, two weeks might be necessary. Never think that you not gonna survive after breakup, even after real perfect relationship. Human mind has a wonderful ability for adaptation. Only thing you need is a few days for that.

Friday, November 8, 2013

Didn’t find your love yet?

Are you thinking all nights long, “Why am I alone this world? Why I didn’t find my love yet, while my all friends are falling with someone?” How many sleepless nights did you spend, dreaming about your love? There are a lot of couples in this world, and an equally high number of single men and women. So why is it that you can’t find love when everyone is having love almost all the time? Why do you think you can’t find love? You’re short? Ugly? Boring? Not earning enough money? Not a great communicator? Or all of the above reasons? In addition to that, May be you are a workaholic person, who is dedicating only for your business or for office works. Sometime you may seek a person who will never even close you to. It May be your bad attitudes, and Etc. Otherwise every kind of a person has their own love. However, don’t you see there are lot of people with all shortcomings, but still they have their love and live happily. So why is it not working for you? Do you know the actual reason for "why is that"?Actual reason is you are not giving any opportunity for yourself to find the love.

So how you give an opportunity to find a love for you? There are two ways; one is just sitting on your back, till love comes to you. But it’s once in a blue moon. Other thing is you must find the love like you find a job with your qualifications. But the thing is you don’t know where to find the love. so that’s why we need friends. We must be social with good friends. You can meet new people there. and hang out with new friends every week or so. The more people you meet, the more chances you will get to find a love for you. Not only that, but also makes an opportunity to select the right person for you. So if you are not having much friends or if its rather difficult you to be social with people, you can go to a Gym, Aerobic class, Yoga class or dancing class. So there are full of opportunities in there. Just give a little push. You’ll be able to see how easy it is to meet new friends and interact with potential love interests.

Sometime you may fail first try and second due to rejection of you love. Its obvious like job opportunities. When you find a good job, your application might reject few times. And we can’t expect everyone we fall in love with to fall right back into love with us. So…when someone rejects your love deal it with gently, and move to another and try to find someone who likes you. So always stay positive and happily, you never know who is looking at you and dreaming about you. You stay on your course and love will come knocking on your heart sooner than you think.   

If you’re looking for love and want to find love, but can’t find love, you only have yourself to blame. It’s easy to blame circumstances, but it takes a brave person to accept that it’s their own fault. And it’s the brave person who takes chances and will eventually find love and lead a happy life. So who are you going to be?

Friday, November 1, 2013

Trust in a relationship

Trust is one of the main key in a perfect relationship, and it is the most fragile element that can break easily. Keeping trust forever is not an easy thing. Most people look at trust as a threatening and sensitive burden. But if you concern about it with more care, it’s not a difficult thing to do and it matters to have best time of your lives. Trust can do so many happy things to a relationship, but the best thing it can do is bring both of you closer, avoid pain and hurt, Further it will lead a way to make both of you fall more in love with each other every single day.

Trust is building little by little, it never take very long leaps. And it’s starting since the very first moment that you meet your partner. Look at this example, when you have little comfort in front of your partner, then the next step is touch his or her hand, but for the very first time, it very nervous. It’s because still we do not know that, what the consequence of it is. Simply we have a doubt about it. In other words we don’t have trust about the consequence. But, when you do it for your first time, you feel little trust about your partner and you move to the next step, it’s may be the first kiss, and then to the next step. So eventually, when you past incident by incident, life gets a bit manageable and both of you start to open up with each other. This way you make the trust in your relationship. So each and every single of incident that happens, make trust in you and your partner. and accordingly it makes both of your comfortable in your relationship. So that’s why every single incident is so important for the trust. 

If we go beyond above levels, there are some other ways too for Build the trust. If you really serious about your relationship, always make future plans. Guess what you and your partner gonna do in next five years of time. May be building a big house, or buying a nice car. By talking about the future, you’re reassuring your partner that you truly want to be with them and see them in your life even as the years and decades pass by. And always be there when they want you. When they want to cry, give your shoulder lie on, when they want a protection, be a guardian, when they are grounded, give them a hope. Acknowledge that they have no other but you are.

And the other important thing is being opened, in front of your partner. Too many people never let their partners know what they need. Let them know your desires, let them show your feelings, may be your feelings and desires are dirty. But telling those or showing those, you may feel much comfort. And let them know that, you don’t have any person to tell or show your feelings and desires in this world. They will realize it. But it doesn’t mean, they must accept it or they must go with those. But after all, they know who you are and what you want. So... Build trust in a relationship and it’ll go a long way in creating a happy relationship.